Day 74: Creeping towards Peak Condition

So, what does failure look like when we're talking about Creep? Here's what I think happens: after about 35 steps, you wobble, tip to one side, overcorrect and tip to the other side, get your balance back and do a couple of hops up and down in place, unable to put one foot in front of the other, counting under your breath, then you try to scoot that right foot ever so slightly forward but the whole thing collapses and you tumble forward, howling.

Sound right? Yeah, I thought so.

In my case, it also led to a serious case of the giggles. No kidding! I can't believe it either.

I had the day to myself, with my daughter at my mom's house. I got a lot of work done, both around the house and on my current writing project. I ran some errands. I kept putting off the workout because I knew that Creep was on it. But then it was time, I couldn't put it off any longer. It was really tough to get started.

But then once I got through that last set of Creep and I didn't die -- everything got a lot better. Still difficult, but my mindset was much, much brighter. I found myself pushing to get another couple of reps out, looking for that feeling of failure. And then in the shower afterward I had an epiphany.

The moment of failure is the moment of growth.

This probably isn't news to the rest of you, and I think it's what Patrick has been telling us all along. But it was powerful to be able to put it together in one sentence like that.

Failure hurts. It can be physically painful (see: Creep, Plank, jumprope whiplash), but even more than that, it's ego-bruising. Who am I if I can't do this thing that I set out to do? If my self-image as a competent person is reliant on my ability to accomplish something, it feels incredibly unsettling -- even destructive -- to experience failure. I know that in many parts of my life, I have chosen to avoid failure. It's hard for me to admit that and to write it down, but it's true.

But when I can look at failure as instructive, and as a short-term goal in itself, that changes everything. That's when I see my limits and I know that I've pushed them just a little bit, enough to grow a tiny amount. I'm learning not to fall apart emotionally when I experience that failure.

OK, deep thoughts finished for now. One idea to share: yogurt, cherries, egg, and a pinch of cardamom (trust me) in a blender = evening snack heaven.