Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Day 79: Yawn

It's been a couple of days of "life intersecting with PCP" and I'm pretty damn tired.

My daughter has a mild cold which doesn't cause her too much trouble during the day, but at night all the congestion makes her cough her little head off. So last night and the night before, I was up several times during the night, administering medicine, water, and hugs. (If she's having a really tough time, I sit up with her in a chair for a bit -- being vertical seems to help.) Both mornings I was planning to get up at 5:30 to do my workout, but both mornings saw me heading back to bed at 5 after being up with her, then deciding on a couple more hours of sleep instead and turning off my alarm clock.

I have time to do my workout later in the day, while she's at daycare, but it makes such a difference in my day to get it done earlier. I prefer to use that daycare time to run errands or work on my writing -- I have a deadline looming for my next magazine piece and it's slow going. But yesterday and today it just felt impossible to work out at 5:30 after not sleeping more than a couple of hours uninterrupted. (And before someone asks why my husband didn't get up with her -- he was working an overnight shift at the hospital and is as bleary-eyed as I am right now!) So I'm feeling rather behind on a few things -- but exercise is getting done!

The funny thing is that it's really, really hard to get started when I feel exhausted, but then it generally goes okay, and I'm glad afterward. I know that if I weren't still on a "program" I probably would have skipped exercise both these days, but I'm going to try to remember this feeling and at least do a little something every day, even if I've had a rough night. Luckily my daughter is a great sleeper and these kinds of things are rare.

And here's one other funny thing: my body feels like two bodies at once, the hard and the soft. I can really see my muscles, in my arms and legs, and if I dig a little bit, I can really feel my abs. But the soft parts -- the extra fat that's still there -- feels softer than ever, like it's just hanging off my frame. It's really strange. I was almost 20 pounds heavier before starting this program, and I know I've lost more than 20 pounds of fat because I've built so much muscle, but I felt like I was more solid then, more integrated. It's like I can see the shape that I'm supposed to be, underneath the fat -- I just have to keep working to get rid of it. No complaints here, mind you -- it's just really odd to be harder *and* more squishy at the same time.

Ten more days! Yikes! I'm going to take Patrick's suggestion and do 8MA every day from here on out, and we'll see where that gets me. Yes, I'm making a public vow to do *extra* ab work. What's happening to me??? :)

7 comments:

  1. That feeling of being "integrated" with your fat is because you had a lot of fat inbetween your muscle fibers. Most of that has been used up now so you're quite right that the fat is just hanging off your newly tightened frame.

    If you want to get hardcore into this:
    http://tinyurl.com/2a9crhp

    It'll go though, if you keep up your new lifestyle and with the maintenance plan we'll give you.

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  2. that's so interesting tara - i've felt a similar thing happening in my body. some days all i feel/see are muscles, other days, there seems to be a lot of soft squishy skin/fat hanging around those muscles. i'm glad to know a bit about why that is.

    hope your daughter feels better soon and that you both get some more sleep tonight!

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  3. Yes, workout is really hard to get started when I'm tired but once I start jumping I can get through it.

    Coughing in the night is hard. When I had asthma, I often slept in sitting position. I hope your daughter gets well soon.

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  4. Its always tough working out when you are exhausted, but remember how good you feel after, all you need is that little push to kick start. Just take one exercise, one workout, one day at a time and before you know it it'll be Day 90!

    I'm with you on the body layers, that last bit of visceral fat is very pesky, but it is going, slowly but surely, just keep it up!

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  5. Can the body, especially women's bodies, carry some fat and still be healthy? I want to keep some softness. It seems right = curves. I like the roundness of my breasts (although they are much much smaller now!!) and my hips.

    I don't really want to get completely hard and muscle bound. Wonder what Patrick would say to this? Can women be soft and healthy?

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  6. Good question, Deb. My inclination is yes, esp. women thinking of getting pregnant. As long as you're eating good, wholesome foods and have a healthy body image, I don't see why soft would equal unhealthy.

    Tara, I hope your daughter feels better and that you get some rest!

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  7. This is so interesting about hard vs. soft! I didn't mean to say that I want NO softness on my body at all -- that would be really weird. What I feel like I'm seeing these days is a real differentiation between the hard and the soft on my body. Maybe it's just that most everything was soft before and now there's more hard. :)

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