Well, there you have it. Just finished today's workout and I am PISSED. I simply do not feel capable of doing everything on the page today. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, who's to say? I'm so happy for the progress I've made so far, but I still have SO FAR to go. I'm not having much success connecting with my "inspiration person" at the moment because it feels like I'd have to work out this hard every day for the next year in order to get there. I started off SO FAR from where I want to be and I'm angry that I ever let myself get that far out of shape. The workouts used to feel tough but doable, and I thought that if I just worked hard every day I would be able to keep up. Today, I don't feel like I can keep up. I feel like the difficulty has just whisked right past me and I'm left in the dust.
The stupid f'ing planks are getting me every time. I feel like I'm going to vomit. I had rivers of tears running down my cheeks during the one-arm curls today, because my arms just hurt so badly. I managed to get through them, though, so maybe my "inability" to get through the planks is just a mental problem, not a physical one. And that actually makes me feel worse -- if my body can't do it, that's one thing, but if my MIND is failing me somehow, then I feel like a *real* weakling. I'm trying to be proud of the work I've done so far and remind myself that I'm working harder than I've ever worked. But right now I just feel discouraged.
Tomorrow is another day. I'm not throwing in the towel. I'm going to take a shower and get some lunch and try to enjoy the rest of my day. I don't like sharing these feelings of weakness with other people, but I'm hoping that writing it all down will help somehow. I have to find something within that's going to help me through next time.
Help me here, PCP friends: what am I forgetting? What am I not seeing? I don't know why anger is my reaction right now, but do you have any suggestions for being less angry? I'm not going to quit this, but I would like to feel less angry and more positive about it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tara, this is exactly how I felt in yesterday's workout, but for some reason today was much better. Perhaps your body is also working in cycles and there are muscles in your body that are stronger than others. My leg and shoulder work always make me feel unworthy, but the chest and tricep work are much easier.
ReplyDeleteFocus on what you've accomplished so far and know that you will continue to burn fat and lose weight. Everyday you lose weight, the exercises will get easier. I'd say it's much harder to hold 150 lbs in a 60 second plank than 95 lbs. If you look at it from that perspective, you're working doubly hard and probably, in the end, building even stronger muscles. And, when you finally get down to the weight your want to be at, a 60 second plank will feel like nothing.
You're amazing! You're beautiful! And, you're BADASS!!!
Change the way you look at things and the way things look will change. I know, I know, if someone says something like that to me when I'm pissed, I just want to whack them upside the head with a 2-by-4. But sometimes it really does work. You can totally change the inner dialogue. You're incredibly strong. The fact that you muscled through the exercises today proves that.
ReplyDeleteI also find that giving the finger to the computer, piece of paper, whatever you're reading the workouts from helps too. Sometimes I'll run around my small apt double saluting stuff.
You are totally kicking ass, Tara!
ReplyDeleteIt only makes sense that sometimes your workout is going to kick your ass right back. Just keep plugging away and cursing, crying, yelling--whatever it takes to keep at it. You know you are doing something that most people don't have the guts to do and stick with for 58 days... let alone the measly 32 more you have ahead of you.
I'm rooting for you!
Your body is more than capable of handling the challenges we're giving it. But the mind will start to weave it's own drama in an effort to make the pain go away. One of the real teachings of this program is learning to let that drama play itself out in the background and do the work anyway. Don't buy into the story your mind tells you, how you're not good enough, how you'll never make it, how you should be ashamed to have gotten so out of shape, none of it matters. This set, this rep is the only true thing!
ReplyDeleteAnd can I add to all of the above.....PCP for 58 days with a young child! What you are achieving is immense, PCP is tough for anyone. The majority of the population wouldn't last a week.
ReplyDeleteU only have a little to go, 30 days
might seem like a lot, but if you stop now, my guess is you would enjoy the peace for about 3 days and then wish you hadn't?
Just tackle each psychological barrier as you reach it. One set at a time, one breath at a time.
Tara, you're incredible person !
ReplyDeleteDoing PCP while taking care of your family and doing your radio show... and in addition to that doing this program on your own without having sessions with Patrick is amazing. Needs a lot of self discipline.
When Patrick told me "You are underestimating your ability" , I decided to myself that I will never tell myself that I'm not capable of doing this.
When I jump, after 3 min. or so I get out of breath and my heart beats fast, I feel like I am going to be suffocated and I think no one else is suffering like I am, everybody else is doing this easily, I am the only one who is suffering.
When my friend tried to jump when we were in NY, she couldn't jump more than 50. We started like that and reached this far. It is amazing, isn't it ?
Tara, you're strong !
Your are beautiful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent and strong person!!!
We can do this together ! You're not alone.
I think that when you get in funks like this it's helpful to just totally cut off any 'big picture' thoughts. Your whole path toward the body you want will feel too long when you're already down on yourself, so when I get like this I just try to meditate on getting thru the minute and the day. It's the little constant decisions that add up to the drastic change! You can do it, you're completely amazing, and don't forget, you're The Amazing Shrinking Woman!
ReplyDeleteyou're an amazing person Tara!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time!
I feeeeel the rage, we just got to remind ourselves, just one damn hour a day, just one damn hour...and then 2 for cooking haha.
sorry I missed out on the general cheerleading squad but let me add my rah rah
ReplyDeletehonesty is part of the work out
you are stripping down to the essentials and if the essential is anger...well...there it is. No covering it up.
We are here to be trusted, to hold hope for you when you give up.
Group hug...
See, Tara - if you hadn't blogged it out so honestly, your cohorts here would have missed out on this particular opportunity to share their wisdom with you (and the rest of us!). Keep it all coming - you're doing great.
ReplyDelete