Day 59: Grateful

As they say in the church, y'all really lifted me up. I have to say thank you, thank you, thank you to my PCP teammates who all posted helpful comments after yesterday's rant. Every one of you said something useful, which kept me going yesterday when I felt like c-r-a-p. Such a beautiful thing about this program -- that I feel like I can speak honestly when I'm struggling, that I know other people will understand, and that I can feel supported and encouraged by you beautiful people who I have never even met in person! Thank you again!!

Today has been much better. Last night we had a bunch of people over for dinner again -- two couples, with two kids each, plus my dad, so there were 7 grownups and 5 kids running around our house. It was utter pandemonium but it was fun. We grilled some steaks and had rice salad and green beans, and I ate my egg white & apple without a care. Seriously, it was sooooooo easy. I was cutting up my daughter's food and helping her eat, so I really didn't have much time to eat my own dinner anyway, and I really didn't mind. I'm comparing this to my first experience of eating egg white & apple while everybody else was chowing down on "regular" food, and I can definitely tell my mind is stronger.

Then last night, after everybody left, I sat down at the computer and made a "serious workout" playlist -- any song in my iTunes library that really had GREAT energy went on the list. I've had a "running" playlist for a while, but I'm sick of all those songs and most are too gentle for what I need now. If I work out in the morning, I usually listen to Morning Edition but the pleasant civility of NPR is not helpful in this situation!

So this morning, hopped up at 6, went to the basement, turned on my music and had a GREAT workout. I had a sense of humor this morning (as opposed to yesterday, when nothing was funny) so I didn't mind when I tripped while jumping. Triceps exercises are TOUGH for me but I got through them. Kung fu sit-ups are still just hilarious. I have no idea if anything is happening anywhere but my shoulders and upper back but I'm doing my best.

It's tough to get up early and work out first thing, but my day goes so much better when I do that. Otherwise I avoid and procrastinate and rationalize until I'm almost out of time, then I feel under pressure and I'm rushing to shower and eat afterwards. I think I'm going to plan on the early morning workouts for the foreseeable future.

Thank you again for all the help. You kept me going for another day! Only 31 days left!!

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OH! Forgot to mention, I was listening to this Radiolab podcast during my disastrous, angry workout. It was really, really interesting -- about the limits of the human body. The story about the woman crawling across the IronMan finish line made me feel even more like a wuss for complaining about some bicep curls. Maybe not the best thing for motivation (I think I'll stick to my music for the time being) but I would really encourage you all to listen. I'm thinking differently about pain now, because of it. (And listen to all of Radiolab, too. Such great stuff.)