Day 27: Indulgence Coma

Here it is, the carrot cake that served as my indulgence yesterday. We didn't have time to go to the bakery I really wanted to visit but my husband reminded me about another good place closer to us. Look at this massive hunk of cake. Even before PCP I would have been happy with a slice half this size. I am still stunned at restaurant portions of food and what people think is a "piece" of cake.

The cake was yummy, moist and full of nuts, and spiced just right. The icing was a little gelatinous, not really great. Usually the icing is my favorite part of carrot cake, but not this one. All in all, it was pretty good, although I couldn't get anywhere near finishing it all. After a few bites, I felt like I had tasted it and didn't need to eat more. And it was, to use Elena's word, meh.

The funny thing was what happened afterwards -- a wave of fatigue just hit me suddenly, about 45 minutes after eating the cake. I was driving and I started yawning uncontrollably. We got home and all of my limbs felt heavy, my eyelids felt heavy, and all I could do was sit on the couch. I was tempted to take a nap, but there wasn't time. Wow. I never remember having such a strong reaction to sugar before. Maybe I didn't realize how much better I've been feeling. It took about 20 minutes to recover and start to feel like myself again, and then I really enjoyed my healthy dinner.

It was nice to eat something "indulgent" without feeling the least bit guilty, so that in itself was a new experience. I'm not sure that I really had the best carrot cake in town, so the Platonic ideal of carrot cake is still sitting there in my mind, taunting me a little bit. But the way I felt afterward was so awful that the temptation is much less powerful. This exercise was extremely instructive, in showing me that what I think I want really doesn't make me feel good at all. It's not about some external idea of what is "good" or "bad" behavior, but about how I want to feel. The whole time I was feeling zoned out, I was trying to pay attention and remember those sensations so I can call on them the next time I want some sweets.

And here's the kicker: I had a bowl of beautiful ripe cherries for my evening snack, and they were soooo good. With every bite, I kept saying, yum, these are so delicious. I enjoyed them a lot more than the cake, and I didn't feel terrible after finishing them. I can hardly believe this is me saying that cherries were better than carrot cake, but I can also hardly believe I'm the person working out every day. (I'm also the person who's lost 10 pounds this month so BOO-YA.)

Oddly, looking forward to the workout today too. What is happening to me?? :-)