Day 1 & Day 2: Liftoff!

The starting date for my PCP was a little inauspicious: I was out of town for the holiday weekend, visiting my husband's family. We had a 3-hour drive back home so I didn't get to do my workout until the early evening, which is definitely not my favorite time of day to exercise. But because I'm not letting any excuses get in my way this time, I put on my shoes and did it just after putting my daughter to bed. A friend gave me some good jump-rope tips and it wasn't too bad! I tripped a fair number of times but it was fun anyway. I haven't jumped rope since elementary school so I expect it'll take a few days to get the feel of it. I felt very virtuous sitting down to dinner after doing the workout.

I think I need to develop a good sense of the difference between "difficult" and "requires effort." Patrick says the Week 1 workouts are pretty easy, and I think he's right. But they do require effort. I was sweating before the end of the first set of jumps, and I felt tired afterwards. In my mind, that has often been a marker that something is wrong -- if I'm tired, sore, sweaty, shaky, then I must have been doing something that was too hard for me. But I'm trying to remind myself that all of those signs are indications that I have been challenged, and that whatever I'm doing is going to help me grow. (And I also know that dizzy, passing out, can't stand up, etc., are definitely signs of too much.) I've had a problem with fear while exercising, and I want to take that fear on, look at the roots of it, dismantle it, and not allow it to stop me anymore.

The halfsies diet is going fine, although I was a little hungry yesterday. I reminded myself that people all over the world are way hungrier than that every day. I felt a little absurd leaving half an apple on the breakfast table this morning -- I didn't get to where I am now because I ate an entire apple. But I know that it's not just about calories. In order to eat "about half of my usual diet," I have to think about what my usual diet is, and it's good to see that I can eat much less than normal and the world doesn't collapse.

I currently weigh more than I would like, but I'm mostly okay with it. Sure, I'd like to be in better shape, but if I were at this current weight forever, I think I could deal. The problem is that in order to just stay at this current weight as I get older, I'm going to have to work harder. I don't want to have to work hard just to be at this weight -- if I'm going to work hard, I want to weigh less. I recently moved from New York City to Louisville, KY, where the average person is heavier, so I feel skinnier in comparison. That factor makes it even easier to coast and just say, oh, I'm fine. But I'm not where I want to be, and I know that unless I change my current habits, I'm not going to have the energy and confidence to do the things I want to do.

Grateful for this program, grateful for my team members, grateful for my family who are supporting me, and grateful that my body can at least do this much. Keeping my expectations quiet and focusing on the process!